


Alone in The World

by AnotherWriterWhoWrites



Series: 2019 365 Days of Writing [21]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Canon, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Canon Compliant, Cold Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester Dies, Dean dies in the fire preseries, Gen, Hunter Sam Winchester, John Winchester Tries, John is a good father fight me, Sam is an only child
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-05
Updated: 2019-03-03
Packaged: 2019-10-22 17:47:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17667221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnotherWriterWhoWrites/pseuds/AnotherWriterWhoWrites
Summary: He hesitated and then placed Sammy on the grass, making sure for a moment that the blanket was still covering him.“I’ll be right back Sammy.” he said, leaning over to kiss Sammys forehead before he turned and ran back into the house where the smoke continued to grow.





	1. Chapter 1

“Take your brother outside as fast as you can, don’t look back.” John said, his voice steady despite the fear and the panic that he felt rising inside of him. “Now Dean, go!”

Dean didn’t waste another moment, holding onto his brother as tight as he could as he rushed down the stairs and outside, his bare feet hitting the cold porch and then the wet grass. 

He hesitated and then placed Sammy on the grass, making sure for a moment that the blanket was still covering him.

“I’ll be right back Sammy.” he said, leaning over to kiss Sammys forehead before he turned and ran back into the house where the smoke continued to grow. 

John came out barely seconds afterwards, coughing and eyes watering from the smoke and fire that seemed impossible to get through. He moved on memory and instinct as he reached Sammy, still on the ground and waddled up. He felt his heart stop and his eyes widened when he realized that only Sammy was there, whirling around as if he’d see Dean materialize at any moment. 

"Dean!" he shouted, almost screaming, his voice getting lost from the sound of fire and the house being broken from the inside. "DEAN!"

The second he turned around to look at the house once more the fire seemed to reach a crescendo and he could hear how the inside of the house exploded, feeling the very ground shaking in response. The force pushed him back, stumbling and barely able to keep standing. Sammy started to wail once more and he immediately reached his youngest son to grab and hold close, still turning around helplessly and hopelessly as he searched for Dean.

It wasn’t until later on when the paramedics had examined him and Sammy that a firefighter had come up to him with the utmost sympathy on his face as he gently explained that nothing had been left of his wife.

And that they had managed to find the charred remains of bones that looked like it belonged to a child as well.

John listened to them as if he was detached from his body. Sammy had stopped crying and was just sitting in his lap, almost looking around as if trying to find his brother or his mama again but ultimately remaining mercifully quiet. 

The both of them sat on the front of the impala, it had been parked outside and therefore had been safe from the fire, the images replaying in his mind as he desperately tried not to think if he had seen Dean in the house again as he had ran out of it. 

He was barely able to keep himself from throwing up at the thought, gripping onto Sammy to steady himself and give him something to ground him down so that he didn't just fall apart. 

Aimlessly he reached out and tugged the small blanket around Sammy a bit more, holding him close. He licked his thumb and wiped the stains of blood from Sammys forehead, Mary’s blood a corner of his mind told him, and just stroked at his sons, his only remaining son, forehead before he brought him up, held him close, and just sobbed.


	2. Chapter 2

Sam turned to watch out the window, hands on the top of the seats as he watched Bobbys house disappear, the man waved when he saw him and Sam waved back. He watched until the house disappeared and slowly slid back down onto his seat, head bowed slightly.

"Dad, why can't we stay?" he asked quietly, not sure if John was going to hear him over the roar of the impalas engine.

"Because Bobby and I...we just cant Sam." John said, his voice a little gruff.

"Is it because of me?" Sam asked, kicking his feet slightly, one of his laces had come undone and flew as he kicked.

John hesitated and then spoke. "Bobby doesn't think that you should be hunting, he thinks that you're too young."

Sam looked up at that, meeting his dads eyes in the mirror for a moment. "But I'm eight."

"And he thinks that that's too young. Sam," John sighed and then drove the car to the side of the highway, parking there for a moment. "Come up here."

Sam scurried up and moved so that he could land on the passengers seat with a small huff, looking up at his dad. 

John turned to look at him completely. “Sam you’re eight years old, and I know I’ve been teaching you to fight and how to shoot a gun and how to hunt but Bobby is right, you are too young.”

Sam moved to bring his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. “So why are you teaching me?”

John took a deep breath. “When you were six months old, your mom and brother died in a fire.”

Sam nodded, he knew that story, his dad had told him it before. 

“But the truth is, something else was in there.” John continued, seeing Sams eyes widen at that. “Something supernatural was in your room and the result killed your mom and brother. Its not because of you,” he quickly added, seeing the tears that were starting to gather in Sams eyes. “But that’s where it happened and you know what happened because of it.”

“What...what was it?” Sam whispered, feeling his entire body shaking. 

“I don’t know yet, all I know is that it was supernatural.” John told him. “All I know is that I need to keep you safe no matter what.”

Sam brought his hand up to roughly wipe at his eyes. “Keep me safe?”

John nodded and reached out to gently wipe at Sams tears, cleaning his face. “And the best way that I know to keep you safe is like this, teach you how to be safe. Teach you how to hunt and how to fight back before they throw the first punch.”

He reached out and picked Sam up, wrapping his arms around him. Sam held onto his dads shirt tightly and buried his face in his chest. 

"The world is not a safe place anymore Sam, I wish it was with everything I have but its not.” John told him, his voice steady and clear. “The world is a bad and a dark place and I wish I could tell you this later when you’re more grown up but its time now. The world is bad and there’s a lot more bad out there than you can ever know.”

John took a deep breath, his voice low for a moment, not sure if he was talking to himself or to Sam anymore. “You have to do anything to do the right thing, after all that's happened you need to be prepared for everything and be willing to do it all. Willing to do every last thing that needs to be done that can be done and then more," he cupped his hand around Sams cheek and moved him up enough for them to look each other in the eyes. “Do you understand?”

Sam chewed on his lip and slowly nodded, eyes wide as he clung to Johns shirt more. “I think I do.”

John nodded as well and leaned down to kiss the top of his head. “Good, I don’t want you to ever forget that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Supernatural. 
> 
> 36/365
> 
> I do take requests so if you have requests you can send them to me.


	3. Chapter 3

Sam was curled up on the floor against the wall, his eyes glued to his dad as the older man slowly breathed. He could barely breathe himself and he had to try to force himself to take a deep breath. And then a second and a third one. Bit by bit he pulled himself out of the small panic that had settled inside of him the moment John had come back. 

His eyes pulled away from his dad for a moment to look at the textbooks that were on the ground. They had been on the bed with him just twenty minutes ago as he had been reading them before John had come back. 

Four hours ago John had been alright and arguing with Sam. He had a chemistry test tomorrow and he was five chapters behind, not his fault the last school he had been in was taking things slower than his current school. He had planned on using the night to catch up and hopefully at least pass the test if not get a good enough of a grade on it. 

The argument with his dad was fresh in his mind as well. John had figured out that the monster they were after was a werewolf, simple and easy to kill, a silver bullet to the heart. His dad had wanted him to go with him, he needed the practice and he needed to put his training to the use. 

But he had a chemistry test he wanted to study for, he had a club meeting that he might go to tomorrow after class, there was a cute girl in his history class that maybe, just maybe he could ask out for lunch or something after school or anything. 

Anything to feel like he was a normal person with a normal life and a normal desires and things to worry about even for a day. 

John hadn’t even bothered to argue, he just turned to grab his weapons and leave, obviously not wanting to fight with his son. 

Sam had spent the next three and a half hours on his bed, it was closest to the door, with his textbook and an open notebook, taking notes and writing things down as best as he could understand them. He didn’t think about his dad during that time, more than confident in his dads abilities to hunt things.

What he had never expected to happen was his dad to come stumbling back inside, hand to his chest that was bleeding so much, more than any that Sam had ever seen before, and what looked like it was half open, Johns hand the only seeming to be the only thing keeping his organs inside of him. 

Sam had frozen for a second, one precious second, and then jumped up, running to their bag to rip the first aid kit from there

From there it was a blur of everything that had happened. Immediately throwing the sheets and everything on them to the ground so that John could collapse on the bed he was on and Sam could help. 

He could remember cutting up Johns shirt and pulling his dads hands away, barely able to hold back from throwing up at the sight of blood and skin and everything else that was starting to poke out. 

He had to swallow down bile and force his hands to properly pull the string through the needle hole and then push it through his dads skin, closing him up and making sure he didn’t die right there on the bed in front of him. 

Hurt on the hunt that Sam had refused to go on because he had chosen to study, chosen to be away from his father on a dangerous hunt hunting a dangerous monster that killed more people than they’ve saved. 

His dad had gotten hurt on a hunt that Sam had chosen to not go to and had barely gotten able to get back to get stitched up, clinging to life with most likely everything he had, mostly likely the only thing that had helped him was the thought that Sam was still waiting for him to get back. 

What could have been his last words to his dad was echoing in his ears over and over again. 

“Why the hell do you have to be so selfish? Why can’t you just let me be normal for a change?” he had demanded, watching the hurt fly over his dads face. 

But in the end, he had been the one that was selfish, he was the one only and always thinking about himself only and never about the bigger picture, he never thought about what needed to be done and only wanting what he wanted at that moment. 

He had chosen selfishly and for that he had come so damn close to losing the only family member he has left.

“You have to do anything to do the right thing, after all that's happened you need to be prepared for everything and be willing to do it all. Willing to do every last thing that needs to be done that can be done and then more."

Slowly Sam stood up, his legs were shaking for a moment and his hands felt dried out. He glanced down and his hands were surprisingly steady as he looked over the blood that was stained all over his fingers and palms down to his wrists. He curled them and looked back up, slowly going to his backpack. 

Digging into it for a moment he pulled out a small pile of application forms, staring at them for a moment. 

College Application Form he read on the top of it. 

Please fill out the application and the accompanying essay describing something that changed-

He ripped the application in half and then into quarters, going straight to the trashcan and throwing them in there along with bloodstained napkins and the remains of a broken knife that can’t be used for anything else. 

He wasn’t going to be selfish anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Supernatural. 
> 
> 36/365
> 
> I do take requests so if you have requests you can send them to me.


	4. Chapter 4

Sam stared at the fire unseeingly as he leaned back against the grill of the impala, sitting on the ground. 

Azazel was finally dead, the thing that had killed his mother and brother was dead. But...at a great cost. 

Hell’s gate had been opened and god knows how many demons had been released. 

His dad had died holding the demon in place, barking at Sam to shoot the colt. He had hesitated but ultimately, he had done it. He had disobeyed before and as a result not only had the demon escaped, they had been attacked. John had been close to making a demon deal and selling his soul to save Sam before he had managed to wake up from his coma. 

It took another few months for them to recover and manage to find Azazel once more, or more accurately, Sam had been kidnapped by the demon and forced to fight for his life with the other kids whose lives he had destroyed. 

Sam had managed to win, but barely. Ultimately it had come down to him or another kid named Jake. he had hesitated again, not wanting to kill a kid that had been used just like him but ultimately, he had a job to do and that was to return to his dad alive. 

So he killed Jake and managed to get out of the decrepit town. He had managed to get a single split second of seeing his dad before he was whisked away again, to another cemetery where Azazel had been waiting for him.

He hated it but ultimately, Azazel tricked him. He had tricked him into opening the gates of hell. Tricked him into unleashing hundreds if not thousands of demons into the world. 

His dad had showed up at that moment, with Bobby and Ellen. It was all a blur but ultimately it ended with John holding down Azazel and Sam shooting, shooting the both of them. 

He hadn’t cried, he was too drained and too...settled. Maybe that was the word. He didn’t know what to call what he was feeling at this point. 

Maybe empty was the right word, it seemed appropriate enough. 

At the end of the...night? Day? Time? They managed to somehow close the hell’s gate. He had ignored Bobby and Ellen and had taken his dads body, putting it into the backseat of the impala and driven. 

He knew exactly where he was going to burn his dads body. He might not be able to do it in the exact place he wanted it but it was the thought that counted. 

It was a long drive but finally he reached Lawrence and he parked in an abandoned field and burned his dads body. 

He might’ve tried to gather his dad's ashes and bring it to his moms and brothers grave but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. That empty feeling inside of him stopped him from doing anything other than stare at the fire as it rose and then died out. 

Looking around him unsteadily he got up to his feet, stumbling for a moment. He reached out to place his hand on the impalas side to steady himself and forced himself to stand. 

Slowly he got into the car and stared at the remains of the fire before he started the car and got onto the road. 

He’d never felt more alone in his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Supernatural. 
> 
> 48/365
> 
> I do take requests so if you have requests you can send them to me.


	5. Chapter 5

There were more demons than they knew how to deal with and slowly the body count was starting to rise more and more each day. 

Sam stared at the motel wall from his place on the floor leaning against the bed. His eyes followed the lines he made with string connecting articles and pictures and information. 

He reached into the first aid kit beside him without looking away from the wall, taking the bandages out and using his teeth to open and rip it apart to slowly wrap around his stomach, he poured some whiskey over it as well before he completely wrapped it tightly. 

He let the rest of the bandages fall to the ground somewhere between him and the kit, not really caring at the moment. 

It had been...a rough month ever since he had burned his dad and they killed Azazel. An entire month in which he ignored Bobbys and Ellens phonecalls, only texting with Ash for information about where to go next. 

The entire month he felt almost...like there was something crawling under his skin. Every demon he met would almost...hesitate, there was no other word to describe it. They would see him, know who he was, and hesitate. 

He only really got an answer, or whatever it could be considered, he had faced Pride and two other sins. Pride had stared at him in contempt and scorn and he finally called him something that might’ve helped him figure it out. 

Boy King. Pride had called him Boy King and suggested that he was supposed to be following Sam, something about what Azazel had wanted for him. 

Azazel had hinted at it at Cold Oak, that someone would be left for something great. Someone for a position of Azazels choosing. 

Azazel had wanted that gate open, had wanted all those demons free, he had a plan and that meant two things, one person would be left in his little competition and the gate would be open. 

But despite it all Sam couldn’t really think about Azazel, couldn’t think about the gate or what Boy King meant or what any of it meant.

His mind really wasn’t on the demons for the first time, his mind was completely on a woman he had met during the last attack. When they had been fighting the seven deadly sins and in all honesty, he was about to be killed before a woman came in and saved him.

She had called herself Ruby and most importantly, she had a knife that could kill a demon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Supernatural. 
> 
> 58/365
> 
> I do take requests so if you have requests you can send them to me.


	6. Chapter 6

He could feel Ruby stretching beside him on the bed and she turned towards him, smiling. 

“Hey.” she said softly, pressing a bit more into the pillow. “Do you have to do that in bed?”

She was referring to the blade he was slowly cleaning of bloodstains and he placed it on the nightstand along with the bottle of oil. 

Ruby moved closer to him, reaching out to slide her hand over his chest until it pressed against his heart. “Couldn’t sleep?” she asked. 

Sam shook his head, his hand coming up to grip at her hand, entwining their fingers together. 

“The usual nightmare?” she asked, moving to put her head on his shoulder, the small whiff of sulfur following her. 

Sam hesitated and then shook his head again. “No.” he said. Ruby was referring to the nightmares he often had about his dad. Dying by Azazel's hand and Sam unable to do anything. 

Ruby squeezed at his hand. “Then which one?”

Sam worked his jaw for a moment. “My brother.” he said shortly, not wanting to talk to anyone about this. His brother was a topic that he never spoke about, just like his mother. They were both something sacred, not something to talk lightly about. 

Ruby blinked at that, tilting her head. “You never talk about him.” she said, her voice still light. She moved close enough to press against him. 

“And I’m not going to.” Sam told her, turning his head to look at her. “He’s off limits.”

Ruby looked like she was going to protest for a moment before she nodded. “Alright.”

Sam nodded and leaned back against the headboard, still holding onto her. He was about to say something when his stomach growl.

Ruby smiled at the sound of his stomach and her voice took an almost teasing tone. “You want something to drink?”

Sam rolled his eyes and reached out to grab their knife. The only demon killing knife they had. He gripped at it and turned to Ruby who was laying back down on the bed, smiling up at him. 

He kept her gaze easily as he brought the knife up, trailing the edge over her skin. A small sigh escaped her as her skin erupted in goosebumps and her back arched slightly towards the touch. 

“Sam.” she whispered, her voice a bit longingly. 

He stopped trailing the knife once he reached the inside of her elbow and carefully he made a cut. He pulled the knife back and watched the blood well up before he leaned in and wrapped his lips around it, teeth digging into it as he drank deeply. 

Ruby's other hand came up to wrap around the back of his head, pressing it deeper into the cut, pressing up more into him.

“There we go Sammy.” she whispered. “Drink up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Supernatural. 
> 
> 61/365
> 
> I do take requests so if you have requests you can send them to me.

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own Supernatural. 
> 
> 35/365
> 
> I do take requests so if you have requests you can send them to me.


End file.
